de rabia naci

Stop struggling, soul. Your burden is too heavy to carry alone.
Learn to reach out before your breath is sucked out and you are left grasping for breath.
Life is too short to live it so lonesome.

i never asked to be your mountain

hold still

paper money

I bought a Holga today that I'm very excited to use. I just wish i had more money to buy more film which then I'll require even more money to print and etc. it never ends. Perhaps I should open up a donation?

cheap frills

"Google Earp..."

Saturday was fantastic. It was Sam's 20th birthday party and the theme was Japanese Karaoke! We were all dressed up as business-folk and let loose on the karaoke. Would've been even better if my group hadn't been cut off during our rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody... WE'RE SUPERSTARS, I TELL YOU! ...but oh well.
Of course, we did the usual "Oh hey, look now that everyone's gathered around LETS TELL GHOST STORIES OOoooOOh....." and such. Always piques my interest, as well as scare the crap out of me...

Sunday I was introduced to geocaching. More on that later, we really enjoyed that though.

vulgaris

Since I was roughly 14 years old I have struggled with the common ailment called acne vulgaris, zits for short. It has consistently pained me and embarrassed me. I once even had someone I liked dub me the "Pimple Queen." High School clearly was hard. Painfully, it is oftentimes associated with pubescent teenagers but it is not always the case. Here I am, a 21 year old with the face of a 15 year old. I expected, like many of my companions, that I would simply grow out of it.
Does that mean I didn't waste an insane amount of money on products in an effort to combat the infection of my face? Of course I did. Have I grown out of it? Has anything legitimately worked for me? Perhaps for a small amount of time, maybe a month or two of sheer bliss but nothing much longer.
So I ask you, how? How do I combat this!? Have I not suffered enough?

Here's a funny little anecdote for you;

A few months ago my face broke out, bad. The worst it's been since my sophomore/junior year of high school. It was nothing short of a complete embarrassment for me to walk out in public. But alas, I went. Because I have never been one to let fear get in the way of me living my life (Ha!). Anyway, I had to return something at Ross because I was strapped for cash like I usually am. There was a man in front of me in line. I thought nothing of it. I did what I went to do and was on my way. In the parking lot, however, the same man stopped me. He was a stout Mexican man and spoke to me in spanish. He asked if he could speak to me and I said sure, why not? I figured he needed directions or something but I should have known something was up by the way he had kept staring at me earlier. Anyhow, the conversation was vague. He was asking something about if I knew someone who was pregnant and I was utterly confused. He kept talking about (get this) how I should ask my prego friend if I could kindly take their placenta and rub it on my face. Here's the point where my brain's gears were grinding and suddenly came to a halt. This man was talking about my acne! Not only that, he had told me to rub HUMAN PLACENTA on MY FACE to CURE my ACNE. The man was kind and gentle, so unlike many people whom I later told the story to told me to react ("Tell me you hit him," or "You cussed him out, right?") I simply thanked him and walked away trying very much so not to cry.
But honestly, now. Does this tell you anything? Consider this. Acne harms people mentally more so than just their dermis. It harms their psyche and their confidence to a level of desperation, to put human placenta on your face is nothing sort of sheer desperation. It is very saddening to me. Have I reached that point? Goodness, no. Have I considered it? Jokingly, afterwards but never seriously. Sorry, but I don't have the gall to go through with that. The idea (understandingly) sickens me.

But really, I've tried countless things. And Proactiv sucks. Maybe it works for those sensitive skin folk with a tiny little zit or two but it dried my skin out something painful. I couldn't move my face or moisturize without a searing amount of pain and I don't care what you say, that is in no way good for your face.
I, like a good amount of people am vain and sick. I strive for, not exactly perfection (I long ago learned that just wasn't within my grasp), but simply to look good. I am sickeningly green with envy of those whose face glows in the sunlight where mine only shows the tiny little shadows of bumps and redness I can't always hide.
I'm tired of slathering my face with make-up in an effort to hide the inflammation, scars and pockmarks. I am completely sickened by the fact that oftentimes I photoshop my face in pictures to appear smoother.
But really, at this point, what am I to do now?

humble abode

Oh, I'm awful. What a snapshot. I need to photograph more and quit being a procrastinator. Also, I need to clean. That's what I get out of this image. We are a messy, messy people...
On a side note, I hate it when people go MIA. I know I've been known to do it from time to time but I try to be there when I'm needed, I really really do. The hardest part is the lack of communication, the reaching out and constant neglect and the feeling of helplessness. Well, what can I do? Vent on my blog, it seems.

Fiat Lux

I failed to take a photo yesterday. Which was rather a shame, since it was a great day and in actuality had a quite a few photographic chances.
It start off as a late day because Carlos and I quite enjoy sleeping in on those rare occasions that we actually can sleep in together. We got ahold of our friend Cesar and we were off! We meant to go to the La Brea Tar Pits but it was already getting late and I was worried that we wouldn't make it in time so instead we went to the UCR Museum of Photography. Looking at all those old-school cameras and beautiful images was definitely captivating and inspirational. Finally I had a chance to see Ansel Adams Fiat Lux work and it was beautiful. Amazing to see what can be done with film! I wish I were that talented...
We saw an amazing camera c. 1945 that weight roughly 700 pounds if I remember correctly. It was definitely one of the old-school cameras, the old accordion-looking ones that you can see the image upside down and reversed on the back screen, but boy was it crisp.

Then we went on with our journey to The City of Angels to pay a nice little visit to Buffalo Exchange. I found a real comfy V-neck sweater and (what I consider to be) a super cute BDG top. There were some nice little booties but for 30 bucks I wasn't that in love with them.Here's the fabric of my new favorite top...

Afterwards we were starving and roamed around Chinatown after hours until we found a decent place to eat. It was really lovely though, I'd never gone to Chinatown before this. I forget what the place we went to was called but it was very elegantly decorated, which is why we hesitated to go in the first place but it was nearly the only place open at that hour. BUT IT WAS GOOD. And well worth it! We also got free lobster with our meal!